nutella sex= disaster
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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