he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
