Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
