he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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