1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
We named our party play list daddy issues
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
