I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
