I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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