just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
