i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
