bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
