Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
