ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
A+ Viking dick
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
