I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
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