So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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