Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
