My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm too high and old for this...
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
