8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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