even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
