Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Randomize
