I think I just saw someone hide a body.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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