so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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