I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
