boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
