Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
