my phone needs a breathalizer
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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