I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
