dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize
