chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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