Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
