What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Randomize
