id be glad to
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
