thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
