I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
