At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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