Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Randomize
