he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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