I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
