how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
