Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
