don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
