That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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