Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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