is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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