you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Randomize
