I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
