If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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