i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
