i would punch a child for taco bell
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
