The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
