I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
