I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
